Throughout life the person you currently are has been molded by both personal choice and outside forces that label you and try to fit you into some societal pigeonhole. But who you are, or better, who you would like to be is usually a far cry from what the perception amongst your community is. Oftentimes we reflect on who we are and how we live our lives and once the veil is lifted we don’t like what we see. Life is an ugly scene when you’re stuck in a rut and realize that we have betrayed our hopes, dreams, and the very essence of ourselves. What we need to do with these feelings is not dismiss them and further imbed ourselves into the roles we’ve been assigned but rather challenge them and recreate who we want to become.
If you were to turn on the television right now in all likelihood you would be able to find some sort of makeover show that teaches people how to be a better version of themselves and not only that but how to live a happy existence. Isn’t that madness that TV shows like that exist or articles like this are written? People need to be shown another way of existence that isn’t a constant misery? These ruts seem to get built into a person’s character early in life. Take the show on MTV called Made which usually consists of some poor kid with no friends or direction get transformed into someone with a semblance of interpersonal skills. That is what happens to far too many people, they get beat down to the point where they believe that things cannot be better and they are destined to assume a position dictated to them.
I say this not to pass the buck for your failings to other people but to illustrate the conditioning that comes from the environment you are brought up in. Your social conditioning creates fear of change, what will happen if I step outside my comfort zone? Who will be the people laughing at me? What will other people think about me? These can be intimidating thoughts and the natural inclination is to shy away instead of addressing potential problems head on. We bow and apologize for daring to stray from our designated lanes even if these fears loom greater in our minds than they actually would in the real world if you decided to change your lot. This fear does nothing but further suck you into the doubt and stagnation cycle. So how do we breakthrough and reinvent then further develop ourselves? There are five general steps that need to occur.
1. Seize control
You must first decide that you want to change before anything else can be planned. Change your beliefs about life and understand that things can and will be different if you want them to be. Stop standing in your own way, the life you lead now is not the one you want but the one you have chosen to let people see you lead.
For example, I’ve been working meaningless jobs and going to school because like everyone I was told that was the path to take. Education wasn’t something to help you grow as a person, they told me it was to graduate and find a better job. When people surrounding me began to place the emphasis on better what they meant was that the jobs to aim for would make more money not be any more fulfilling. I absolutely hated this idea that was presented; it haunted me, depressed me, and even made me leave school for two years alone in the metaphorical wilderness.
But it wasn’t until I had these experiences that I lost my fear of following societal norms and embraced the idea of playing the game my way, win or lose. As a result, I quit my job and took my survival into my own hands. Maybe your change doesn’t need to be as dramatic a shift as mine has been but you need to put yourself in the driver’s seat. The choices you make are for you to decide and not for others to deride them enough to push you in the opposite direction.
2. What is it that you want to change?
If you want to reinvent yourself you must decide what that means. Is this a small change like a change in the style of clothes you wear? Or will it be a succession of smaller changes that completely alters your life?
Perhaps the best place to start is the thing that you want to improve the most over all the other changes you come up with. Your focus may be entirely on that singular aspect of your life until you have made a successful transition or improvement with that undertaking. Some simple ways to reinvent yourself involve changing your outward appearance or really focusing on how you socialize with people.
3. Learning and Planning
Learning and planning seems to be where most people fall off of the tracks and back into old habits. Think about it, if you are trying to lose weight but you know nothing about nutrition it isn’t going to work very well. Sure you might stumble across some fad or starvation diet and lose weight temporarily but you haven’t made a sustainable lifestyle change. You wouldn’t have a clue as to what steps you would need to take from day to day to achieve and maintain your success. Sticking with this example it would be wise to research exercise and nutrition either from reputable websites or books and really delve deep into the topic. Learning before you take action will help you avoid pitfalls and many mistakes that would otherwise occur and consume even more of your time trying to correct.
Once you have learned enough to where you feel comfortable attempting a change it is time to plan how you’re going to do it. Grab a sheet of paper or open up your word processor and begin writing out specific details on what your daily activities are going to be. Let’s say that as part of our weight loss plan we are going to eat five to six small meals a day in order to keep our metabolism high. How are we going to fit this into a schedule with work, family and other responsibilities? This is where details matter! For example, I will eat at 3:15 while at my desk one of the following snacks. If I’m not able to eat at 3:15 then I must have some kind of back up plan. Keeping a journal or planner with details that you want to follow is extremely helpful when trying to make something into a habit.
4. Go Big or Go Home- The Boldness Factor
You know in your heart what you want and after you have done all of the necessary learning and planning it is time to act. Reinvention requires immediate action, a change is a change and there is no going halfway. If I were and high school and were a total outcast and wanted to recreate myself into someone more social I would have to go all in. My style of dress, demeanor, and confidence would all undergo a rapid change because I have written out what it is going to take to change and know that I have nothing to fear. It’s like the big reveal on Made when the nerdy kid goes back to school with a whole new look and people are shocked. By being bold you highlight your change in other people’s minds and set a precedent that you are the person that you want to be and no one can take that away from you.
A well researched plan allows for this boldness because it helps to remove doubt and the tendency to defeat yourself before you begin. You know that it is the right choice because you have made it after much thought and can adapt to any obstacles that have popped up during your transformation. So embrace this moment and reap all the benefits that have been swirling in your mind.
5. Make It a Commitment and Accept All That Goes With It
A reinvention of yourself requires an overhaul of an aspect or total part of your life and keeping away the bad habits that held you down. You wanted this change and now you will have to stick with it and if it isn’t working the way you wanted make adjustments. Failure happens and things come up that you never considered as a problem. You could set a goal to gain 20 pounds of muscle and once you achieve it realize that you look too bulky, that’s quite alright. You go back and make the necessary adjustments to get to where you want to be.
Changing your life also means changing obstacles and unwelcome effects. Being successful isn’t always sunshine and roses, ask a suddenly famous actor who can no longer have anonymity when in public. If that is the path you have chosen then you will have to deal with the consequences. When I quit my job I actually received some backlash from people it really had no effect on personally. They called me rash and stupid for a decision I contemplated for over a year! Now they present themselves as being ‘concerned’ for my finances or offering me a ‘realistic’ outlook on my life but is it really anything beyond projecting their insecurities onto me?
These are the people than wonder what life would have been like if they had chosen to do this or if someone had given them an opportunity to do that. Their moments of reflection are short lived and their lives never change for the better but they won’t have a problem criticizing others who decide to go a different route. Success becomes a matter of the self and whether you possess the inner strength to develop as a person. If not the criticism and the doubt about what you want begin to set themselves into stone and the rut continues. People can be fearful and jealous of any success you attain but it is up to you not to let them tear it all down.
It’s nice to think about the end result of actualizing who you want to be and seizing each day as your own but in reality it is quite hard to accomplish. Before something becomes routine and apart of your identity it requires daily affirmations to help it take root. But once you’ve decided to be the person you want even your struggles will hold less weight because you know that for you there is no other way to live.
How to Reinvent Yourself
