Learning how to attract women....like really fast

Relationships are a tricky business. They require lots of hard work, attention, and loads of other variables that must be right for both parties. While searching for you soul mate you may experience various relationships that you aren’t quite sure about and want to know what course of action you should take. It is important to recognize that there are a lot of people who may be good for you but not the one you need to be with. Also, there are people who are going to be disastrous for your life and you need to train yourself to recognize them before they mess up things too badly. Knowing when to end a relationship is one of the most valuable tools you can possess when it comes to having a successful love life. While it isn’t always easy to break things off because of how deep the feelings involved are, it is necessary to take action when it is best for you.

1. When the Passion is Gone

If the spark you and your partner had between you is now gone and the two of you are essentially just going through the motions of a relationship then it may be time for you to call it quits. Now, it is important to remember that passions will cool down a bit as the relationship matures and that sometimes all that is necessary is to make time to be romantic with one another. But if it is consistently lacking and your thoughts start to wander towards other people you should definitely consider ending the relationship.

2. Fights Become a Regular Occurrence

In any serious relationship you are going to have plenty of disagreements and quarrels but when every little thing sets off a dispute it’s going to kill off your relationship eventually. Keep in mind that being together with someone is meant to enhance both of your lives and not make them totally miserable. Never stay with someone solely because of what the two of you had in the past. If things have soured between the two of you and there is no real hope of working things out then it would be best not to drag it on into the future.

3. Is Your Future Dependent on Qualifying Statements?

Do you ever think about your future together and you have to imagine it being happy only if they make a dramatic change to themselves? Your partner may be a terrific person when they aren’t drinking but if they have severe alcohol problems it becomes hard to see how you will live happily ever after with them. It doesn’t have to be a drug or alcohol problem, it can be as simple as your partner not having the same amount of ambition in life. That is something that can be very hard to change in a person and if you start making concessions then where you want to go in life and where you would end up with them will be two very different places. You shouldn’t settle for someone because they are a decent match, that’s what you do when looking for an apartment while broke and it doesn’t transfer well to happiness in your love life.

4. Is There Time for Each Other?

The two of you may have not have similar demands with work, school, or family obligations which can put a serious strain on a relationship. If one of you is very needy with the time you spend together and the other person either doesn’t have or isn’t willing to accommodate someone in their lives then it is doomed to failure. If you do stay together you can usually expect more fighting or at the very least a bland relationship that is only still going to save face. Don’t let it get to that point and just end it because there probably won’t be a future together worth sticking around for.

5. I Get No Respect

All relationships need mutual respect as a part of their foundation and if it isn’t there you are in for lots of headaches. Take stock of how your partner treats you. Do they belittle your career? Your interests? Do they see you as subservient? If the answer is yes then you are not getting the proper respect that you deserve. Again it comes down to how the person effects your life. Some who constantly chips away at your self-esteem should not be considered a keeper by any measure. A relationship is supposed to uplift you and make you feel good about yourself so why settle for less? On the flip side if you don’t have respect for your partner then it is unfair for them and obviously not the right situation for you so do the right thing.

6. Spending Time with Them is Work

This goes beyond just losing the spark or being bored with a relationship. If simply the thought of hanging out or having a date night with your partner makes you sigh and think about all of the better things that you could do instead then it’s pretty much game over at that point. Everybody needs some space from time to time but you cannot take it to the extreme and still stay in a relationship.

7. Trust is Gone

Nothing is perfect and you should expect to have some hiccups while involved with someone, however, if they have at some point violated your trust and you cannot forgive them then just move on. Without trust things quickly deteriorate and your anxiety levels will go through the roof because you will be worrying about them every single time they leave your sight. Also, cheating should be grounds for automatic dismissal no matter what because they have not only disrespected you but have also destroyed any trust you had in them.

The preceding seven signs of a floundering relationship are not the only things that you need to look for. The best advice I can give is to take some time to clear your head and really analyze how your relationship is going. Determine if it is meeting your needs and making your life better or if it acts more as a burden. Some problems can be fixed and some cannot so take into account whether you even want to try and improve the relationship or if it is time to move on to something new. Keep in mind that we only have a limited amount of time on this Earth and spending it with someone that you don’t really want to be with isn’t good for either of you.

Each afternoon when I go to the gym for my workout I see the same faces that I saw there during the summer and earlier on this year. While all of these people have dedicated themselves to showing up everyday they still tend to fall into two groups, those who work hard and those who work some. You can tell which group someone is apart of the hard workers all look noticeably better than they did when they first started and the ones who don't look like they have their same old body. The hard workers are efficient with their workouts, keeping their rests light and conversations with other people to an almost non existent level. The other group tends to take over an hour to do work that in all honesty should take about half the time. You can spot these people very easily because they are the ones sitting on an exercise bike reading a magazine and after doing a set in the weight room either walk around listlessly or carry on five minute conversations with anybody willing to talk in a ten foot radius. We know that persistence is the key to success but persistence is made up of hard work over a long period of time, day after day, month after month of success and achievement.

I recognized that I was doing the same in my workouts the first week back. No I wasn't talking or reading a magazine but I certainly could push myself harder. Take for instance the mile I run as part of my cardio, the time in which I finished on Friday was 30 seconds slower than the one I ran today, this while feeling sluggish this afternoon. Thirty seconds is not a long time when compared to our lives but 30 seconds on a mile run is a pretty significant chunk (especially since I'm still pretty slow). All it took to increase my output was to keep reminding myself of what I want to accomplish and that I won't get to reach my if I don't push myself harder each time I step foot in the gym. When you come in to a goal with this mindset you stop cutting corners and take it to the limit. Thinking about this today made me push to a new level of fatigue while lifting weights by making sure that every rep was executed perfectly, every chin up with full range of motion, and every rest break shortened to force my muscles to adapt or fail.

Every great obstacle and goal you set for yourself will never be easy it takes hours of repetition and gutting it out through the hard time, there are no short cuts to meeting your full potential. How many athletes have been successful off of sheer athleticism alone? If you have ever looked at the prep basketball player rankings for each year that all have talent but what separates one who never makes it to the NBA to one who does is through sheer hard work and perseverance. Don't believe me? Take a look at one of those lists from ten years or so ago and you'll see many guys that you have never heard of ranked higher than current NBA stars. Was there other factors besides work ethic that could have played a role? Sure but don't underestimate the role of getting too cocky and trying to coast off of pure talent, which many of them learned the hard way has ever diminishing returns without more dedication.

Hard work however is not random there must be a purpose to it. If you were building a house, it would be hard work to carry all of the supplies around and build a house just using your mind. Some home builders might be able to build a house from scratch without blueprints but they probably wouldn't be as focused than if they had a specific purpose. This is true for all hard work that your practice must have a method to it. Going back to another basketball example if I want to become a better shooter would I improve more if I just shot around for an hour or if I used that hour to focus on a detail like shooting threes? The latter of course because it is zeroed in on one thing.

One of my favorite quotes is from the book Good to Great which said, "The signature of mediocrity is not an unwillingness to change. The signature of mediocrity is chronic inconsistency." Committing to something is all well and good but is doing it half assed much better than not doing it at all? By not putting in hard work on what you want day after day you are setting yourself up for disappointment and mediocrity. If you want to separate yourself from the pack and taste greatness you must be willing to go full throttle otherwise you're just like everybody else, stuck in the same spot.

Since I've started this blog back in July I have been finding inspiration in a lot of different places. It's as if just knowing that I need to write each day makes me see clearly all of the motivational and inspirational things in the world around me. Today for example I received a book in the mail that I had ordered last week, How to Write a Movie in 21 Days and only a few minutes after tearing open the packaging I got hit with a source of inspiration. It wasn't anything the author wrote because I haven't even read a page, the inspiration came from the previous owner. Normally when I get a book with underlines and notes scrawled all over the pages I am less than pleased. However, these notes were different because these were the notes of a man writing a screenplay something that I want to achieve myself. What I love about the notes is the mystery of it all. He only writes bits and pieces of his idea for a story in short notations and from what I gather it is the story of a man trying to keep his sanity in an insane world. On the last page of the book it is signed and dated as 'finished' on 9/25/88 which both gives me inspiration as an end goal but also because it reminds me that this book has been around for almost as long as I have and may have gone through so many others hands. It makes me wonder if this screenplay was ever developed and the owner actually saw his idea through to the end even if it wasn't a major movie. This all got me thinking about inspiration and how to find it which in turn sparked this post and I wanted to express some thoughts on the process.


1. Find what drives you.

I wrote about this in my post The Drive of Success and the Creativity Flood that also relates to inspiration and the main idea is that when you find that thing in life that drives you to reach for it , the ideas and inspiration just bombard you. I've concluded that my drive in life comes from wanting to learn and create. For a long while I thought it was simply to become a writer but after some more thought it occurred to me that I really love to use my mind and create. For example I learned how to use the music making program FL Studio and love to create my own remixes that usually only I get to hear. There wasn't any real motivation to use these songs beyond that (not like I could they're copyrighted) but I made them simply so I could enjoy listening to music I liked on my mp3 player. It's this kind of creative feeling that makes it a breeze to spend hours on various projects which is why my old jobs could never hold a candle to my own interests.

2. Doing new things.

By breaking the repetitiveness of your everyday life you get exposed to new things, places, people, and ideas that if you're paying attention can pay you back many times over in the inspiration these experiences create. Sometimes I just like to go somewhere different whether it be the mall or a movie to get little bits of inspiration by watching people or seeing interesting products. But for this method to work the best you should try and go places that you have never been to or join a group of people by taking a class in something you've always been interested in but never have acted upon. This upcoming week I am planning on going to study sessions for a few of my classes whether I need the extra help or not just to be around some different people. I'm not sure if I will get any new ideas or motivation from this but who knows, I'll just have to find out for myself.

3. Digest your day.

When you get a moment of downtime think about your day or week and what happened that is particular interest to you. Maybe you saw a movie preview that interested you. What about it grabbed your attention? Perhaps the theme of the movie hit close to home and you should explore these feelings deeper. Did you meet someone special? It doesn't have to be romantic but if you met someone interesting what was it that made them cross your mind? I often do this kind of reflection before I fall asleep because it usually take me awhile to drift off and it has netted me a ton of new ideas that I write down and expand on later.


4. Look to what others produced with their inspiration.

This is actually a really fun way of finding inspiration because you get to explore artistic expression. Pick up a favorite book, movie, or go to an art museum (or look through paintings on your computer) and try to imagine what was going through the creator's mind when they were making this work. If you're someone who enjoys architecture take a walk through your town and just let your mind absorb interesting structures. Pick out something you like about the building and really just let your mind go off on tangents. Bring a notepad and copy down feelings, questions, or ideas you have from your wanderings. I'm sure you can find at least one thing that will inspire you forward.

5. Just let it flow.

Don't second guess your ideas at first just get them out there. Sometimes I'll just sit down and write without the vaguest notion of what exactly I want to say but this stream of consciousness method does provide good results. Often I won't get out what I wanted to say the first time but after a few readings it conjures up even more points and then other times it changes the idea into something else that is better. Not every new idea is going to work out, like the other day I was in the middle of writing about realism in your life but I didn't like it anymore, it had ceased to inspire me. That post is now in the graveyard of ideas but it is still written down in my notes and maybe next week I'll resurrect it with a whole new batch of points to make.

Inspiration is easier for some people than others but we all have the capacity to make it happen. The key is to tune into the world around you and let your curiosity loose without second guessing what you find interesting until your brainstorming is over with. I hoped this helped you with seeking out your own inspiration because I had to get these thoughts out of my head.

Every once in a while I read books on business and investing just to give me a solid foundation to build on should I decide to go into business for myself. One of my favorite books on investments is The Five Rules for Successful Stock Investing by Pat Dorsey and Morningstar because it gives thorough explanations and isn't a get rich quick type of investment strategy. As you can tell from the title the book lays out in the first chapter five rules that every successful investor should follow and while looking over them late last night I noticed that these rules could also be applicable to self-improvement and goal setting. Yes, it turns out that investing in stocks is much like investing in yourself and done right both can pay off handsomely, only self-improvement the results are a lot less volatile.

1. Do Your Homework

Obviously before starting any goal the most important thing to do is to research how you can accomplish it successfully. Right now one of my goals is to learn everything I can about writing a screenplay as a part of my larger goal of learning all I can about making movies. It would be easy for me to rush into this and just commit a bunch of words into a word processor with some semblance of a story and call it a screenplay but that wouldn't be a good screenplay now would it? The time that you put into before setting off on your goals should allow you to have a plan of action and be more prepared for any setbacks that you will inevitably face while seeking your goal.

2. Find Economic Moats

In the book this section is referring to the competitive advantage firms have within their market but for our purposes we'll be using it to refer to your personal competition. Now not all goals will have you competing against other but some will. For instance, if your goal is to attain a certain position within a company or get into a certain school then you are going to have to separate yourself from the rest of the pack by being able to do something better than anyone else can. Even if we go beyond specific goals we can apply this rule to life in general, consistently growing and improving creates a moat that can protect you in tough times. Economic moats allow companies to be more profitable just as growth allows your life to be more profitable. If you read and engage your interests and develop new skills are you not better off in a terrible economic climate than someone who does nothing to better themselves? Of course you are because whether it's having a better resume for a job or taking the reins yourself you always know that you have value to offer. So create moats for yourself by learning new things and separate yourself from the competition. Becoming World Class at Something.


3. Have a Margin of Safety

In the book this section deals with valuation of stocks and making sure that the price you pay isn't too high. In life sometimes the price you pay for something may also be too much and leaves you high and dry when things don't work out. Just like stocks you can overvalue people too. If you are in a relationship with someone and it's not going the way you want it to then you may be paying too high of a price to be with that person. This extra cost can be physical, emotional, or just your partner holding you back from being the person you want to be. You have to be honest and evaluate the person realistically to see if they are the right match for you or just someone who was nice for awhile and has since declined in their personal value. If you come to the conclusion that the price you're paying to stay with them exceeds what you actually want then it is time to move on.

4.Hold for the Long Haul

In investments constantly trading racks up fees and taxes which will usually hurt long term growth. With goals if you constantly shift from one to the next without putting the proper amount of time into it you're also hurting yourself in the long term. Jumping around with your goals leaves your original goals done hastily or you never complete them at all. Sometimes moving on is required but often it is simply due to a lack of commitment on your part. I often had this problem when reading books. I would buy one long book and be absorbed in it for a few days and then I would hear about a topic that seemed interesting and buy a book on that. I eventually found myself with a ton of books but only a shallow understanding of each because I lacked the commitment to keep going with the book or subject. I finally decided to do something about this by selling those books I had started but weren't on a topic that I was interested in on a regular basis and then made myself get through the ones I did have a consistent interest in. Sticking with your goal allows you to reap all of the benefits that you originally set out to acquire while bowing out early is like a paying tax (time and energy invested) and not receiving much profit.

5. Know When to Sell

Ah so now we get to when it is appropriate to shift away from one goal to another. First ask yourself is it worth it to you to keep continuing your pursuit of the goal? If the answer is no then it is probably time to reevaluate things. Obviously if you have achieved what you set out to do then of course it is time to move on to something new. But if your goal was something like weight loss then you will need to maintain a healthy lifestyle otherwise the result of your goal was temporary. The book goes into asking whether your money could be invested better somewhere else and if you have too much money in one stock. This translates well to what we are trying to do with this article. Replace money with time. Could your time produce better results if it were spent another way? There are only 24 hours in a day and each of them must be scheduled accordingly and if one pursuit isn't paying you back it's fair share based on the amount of time invested then it may be time to let it go. Also, while focusing on one goal in the short term can be very beneficial, if you put all of your eggs in one basket it will hinder the rest of your growth if you dedicate too much time to it over the long haul. Eventually you will see diminishing returns in its value to your growth and can be disastrous if one thing goes wrong. If all your doing is pursuing one thing and that doesn't work out you're not left with much to cling to.

This is just a few short ideas that I was exploring based off of these rules and I believe that if you do some thinking on them of your own you can find a way to apply them to your life. Personally I like to look for advice and inspiration in lots of different ways so maybe I'll make a trip to the business section of the used book store and find other thought provoking ideas, after I finish my current reading list of course.

I have a lot of bookmarks that I have saved on Firefox and last night I was going through the list and deleting the ones I no longer needed. While cleaning up my bookmarks I noticed where I had saved information about a certain video camera and different lenses, stands, and microphones that could be attached to it. It gave me a sense of motivation not because I simply wanted the camera but it represented a goal that I have in mind which is to write my own screenplay and then film it as a low budget movie. This goal is preceded by my current goal of turning this site into a success and garnering enough traffic to earn a passive income and in fact rests on me doing so because I can’t very well have the freedom to film a movie working some crummy job everyday. This motivation I have been feeling for the past few months has been incredible and everyday something new inspires me again it’s like a perpetual kick in the ass that won’t let me give up. It’s a feeling of knowing that something is going to happen because you’re just so tuned into making it so that it is a foregone conclusion.

I remember for the past two years or so of my life sitting at work talking with my friend about how great it would be not to have a job and it always ended with the feeling that yes it would be great but it’s not realistic. It wasn’t until I sat down and made it my intention to find a way off the usual path that I really believed that it was possible for me not to work a crappy job and then graduate and get another job. My self belief has gotten to the point where I don’t even think about getting a job after I finish my degree because it’s not a part of who I am or who I want to become. Those fears of being forced into a life I don’t want have been replaced by goals both big and small, long term and short term. The change is in fact to stop thinking about what will happen to you and to rather think about how I am going to get where I want to go.

Once you open your mind up in this way things just start coming to you like ideas to write about or even new ways to make money. Last week while I was surfing the web a bit I was on a site and saw an ad for their ebook which was available for download. Now I’ve seen these ads probably thousands of times in all of the years I’ve been on the internet but it wasn’t until that instance that I thought about writing one myself. It never occurred to me that I could write and publish my own book online for a profit (and here I am publishing on the internet with this blog) perhaps I’m just stupid and overlooked an opportunity that was staring me right in the face or maybe it was the mindset I’ve developed for constantly looking for new opportunities. That one small image advertisement altered the course of work I plan on doing in the next few months and inspired me to begin planning my own ebook(s).

We human beings have a huge capacity for problem solving and when we’re motivated to do something you can better believe that a solution will be found. Too often our thoughts are attached to some responsibility or work instead of being free flowing and meditative which is usually where we come up with our most brilliant ideas that seem to be plucked from thin air. The desire that gives us our will to succeed brings forth all of these ideas and makes them easy to dream up, you start understanding more, connecting dots you didn’t know existed, and seeing angles that had previously escaped you. I don’t seem to ever worry about what to write anymore and now only focus on which idea I am going to develop for the blog today. Coming up with new ideas isn’t something I sit down and do, I just let them trickle in to my brain and then scribble down the idea however vague into my notebook. When I went to bed at around 3 AM this morning I had just finished listening to one of my audio books and wasn’t really focused on anything then this blog crossed my mind. Suddenly I had an idea and I got up out of bed to write it down. Then another one not more than 15 seconds after I had laid back down. This happened a total of four times before I finally fell asleep. As you can see, writer’s block should present much of a problem with inspiration like that.

So what is it that drives you in life? For me it seems to be having the freedom to create and express myself in a variety of ways. Think about what it is in your life that gives you that feeling of motivation like no other. Once you have that and start working towards getting there you will see the paths opening up even if it’s a roundabout way like mine. In order for me to manifest my desire to make a screenplay and film I chose to take this path of blogging to help raise the capital to finance my endeavors which still allows me to be creative and express myself. In a way I’m doing something that I enjoy to make a living to pursue something else I enjoy and I’m sure that will open up further opportunities for me. This drive should make you excited about waking up each day because at least half of the fun of setting a goal is the journey you take to get there and the knowledge that you will get there one day fuels your work ethic and creativity. Ponder your own life and find what it is that you want and the motivation will rise from there, mine all seems to be encapsulated on a single camera I don’t own (yet).

If you've ever watched any cable news channels you might have noticed the amount of so-called experts they present to discuss whatever topic they are hammering away on that particular day. But how many of them are what could be called world class? Malcolm Gladwell stated that it takes 10,000 hours of practice/learning to become world class at something which got me thinking what have I spent 10,000 doing in my life that I could claim some type of mastery in?

Basketball came to mind as something I may have spent that many hours of my life doing but I am certainly not world class, if I were I would be playing in the NBA making a nice bit of change. But besides being proficient at playing the game I would also need world class athleticism (I don't have that but I'm certainly above average). Nonetheless I do have a certain ability to play the game that is now ingrained in me for life. For example I recently started to play in pick up games regularly again after playing maybe 15 times in the past 5 years but what is great is that besides a little rust and fatigue I am still competitive with or better than the other guys on the court. Do I have what it takes to be world class if I were to devote my life to the game and physical training? I don't know, probably not but I don't ever like to tell myself that I cannot accomplish something.

Is there anything else that comes close to the 10,000 mark? Reading perhaps? But that is too broad to be world class at. For the past few days I have started to immerse myself in the history of the Roman Republic for the course I am taking this upcoming semester. Putting in these hours isn't going to give me the doctoral knowledge equivalence within a few months but it should certainly give me mastery over the topics covered in class (maybe not as much depth). But what if I were to pick a specific topic and in one 6 month burst studied everything that I could on that topic? (182.5 days x 8 hours per day = 1460 hours) If it were a specific enough subject I could definitely climb to the top 1% of the population in regards to knowledge. Then by further expanding into related topics you could become a master in a much broader field.

There isn't really anything that I want to be world champion at or have any recognition as being the best there is but there are things that for financial or other reasons that I would like to have great understanding of. Unless you have that burning desire to be the best at one thing it might make better sense to be great at multiple things as long as you don't spread your knowledge to thin across too many interests. For me I believe the best option is intense short term focus on one thing then maintaining and enhancing my performance through repetition. I like lots of different topics so having a single passion in life isn't for me but I definitely have related interests.

Obviously what separates average from the best is the extra commitment of time, learning, and execution which begs the question what have you done today to help propel you forward?