I was a rather shy kid when I was in elementary school, not to the point of complete inability to communicate with others but it certainly slowed me down. When I got a few years older they shyness itself wasn't a problem but I did retain some of the hesitancy to speak or approach certain situations that I wasn't fully comfortable with or unsure about. Shyness doesn't have to just be an overwhelming fear to be a menace in your life, even something as simple as fear of getting in front of a group and speaking can hold you back from opportunities and experiences. Shyness however, is not something that you have to live with and just accept it can be overcome just like any other fear.
We know that shyness is a fear but a fear of what exactly? It seems to me that it is nothing more than a fear of humiliation or judgment from society. Most of the time these thoughts you have about other people judging you when you speak are unfounded because most people aren't even necessarily paying too much attention to what you say but waiting for their own turn to speak. What you are actually perceiving is you self conscious holding you back from an experience that isn't all that bad by making you afraid of some grand negative consequence. You may have had a bad experience when you were younger that instilled this fear, perhaps you spoke out of turn and some adult chided you. This might have had a point at the time (maybe you were saying bad things) but now that you're an adult you have the ability and the duty to yourself to speak up and be heard. Let it go!
Now once you have recognized and acknowledged your shyness you must next take steps to boost you confidence. This article I wrote isn't specifically about confidence building but it may help Take Control of Your Life: Stop Living in Fear and Act. Confidence can be developed directly by facing your fears in social situations and get a huge boost indirectly by improving what you're already good at or passionate about. Those are just a few tips for purposes of this article and I may go into further depth in a future article but until then do a quick search on building confidence.
Building confidence will help you to remain cool, calm, and collected in social situations but you must also stop getting inside your own head and starting trouble. If you are too focused on yourself during a conversation then you nitpick everything that you do and build up those walls of fear again. Let's say that you were on a date and this self consciousness started to creep into your mind. One solution is to turn your focus onto what the other person is saying and not to be focused on you. Pay attention and be a good listener which will allow you to make simple responses, focus on the conversation, and get out of your own head.
Understand that you are going to make mistakes in your actions and say the wrong things sometimes and that's okay because everybody does this. Stop expecting perfection from yourself and realize that mistakes are part of life. By fearing a mistake you effectively silence yourself and your opinions when I guarantee that you have something valuable to say and contribute to other peoples lives. When I look back at all the potential friends I missed out on when I was younger or fun times that I could have had but didn't because of my silence and lack of confidence it gives me a bit of regret. Overcoming shyness and becoming more social takes consistent work and practice in situations where your comfort is tested. I know that I still struggle with it from time to time but I've also learned that I must immediately correct myself when these feelings start. So the next time you have about of shyness remember to take a deep breath, relax, and dive right into slaying your fear. It's really the only way to overcome your shyness.
